caution and competence

It's one of those lovely warm Indian summer days, sun shining from a spotless sky, so when I drove out into the countryside around noon to pick up Lilly who's with my friend Mary on Friday mornings, Mary and I ended up lingering on her deck, talking for more than an hour while the kids where playing around, eating frozen fruit sticks. It didn't matter to us (then) that they were getting overtired, playing well into nap-time. It was just so good to talk. About parenting, books, our work.

As I was about to leave, Mary shared an observation about Lilly. She shows, explains Mary, both caution and competence. It's not that she's hesitant, far from it, she seems very confident. But she always watches and makes sure she can handle tasks and situations before acting.

I was so grateful for my friend's comment, that she really watches my daughter so thoughtfully. Earlier this week I noticed Lilly at the playground carefully watching a new friend climb one of those ladders that's made to look like a hanging rope grid. Then yesterday, at another playground, she came across the same kind of ladder. And this time, she climbed it all the way up.

This quite wise sense of caution transfers to more social aspects too. During the first two ECFE classes, she mainly watched during circle time, snack, and in the second part of class when the kids are free to explore activities by choice while the parents (read: moms and the token dad) have discussion time (read: class) in a separate room. I was about to quit (for this and other reasons), but then that third time she just loved playing with the others so much and the fourth time she didn't even run to throw herself at me like the other kids when the parents return to the children's room for the final goodbye song that we sing in a circle holding hands; she was at the opposite side of the circle the entire time with a big grin on her face.

I want to nurture this sense of caution in her, and not be impatient and hurry her on. As my friend pointed out, it will serve her well as a teenager. If she continues to watch the repercussions of bad choices then, rather than recklessly getting  herself into things, she'll be better--and safer--off.