The results are in from my poll on separation and crying with the majority saying they are in favor of allowing some crying:
To the question: "with separation from child: allow no cry, some cry, or let cry?" 9 % checked no cry, 81 % some cry, and 9 % let cry. The results from the previous poll on children's sleep and crying were 12 % for no cry, 31 % some cry, and 56 % let cry.
I guess I'm totally one of those people--more willing to allow crying before sleep than at separation.
ReplyDeleteIf the child is going to sleep, my thinking is that I'm putting my child into his safe, familiar, cozy bed in his room for something that is good and restorative. And needed.
Of course, by this age, he never cries before bed now. If he does, something is seriously wrong and we would take care of the problem before resuming the bedtime routine.
But I firmly believe in allowing an overtired infant in desperate need of a nap to cry it out and get the sleep he so obviously needs.
But separation could be for any purpose in any setting. That's a very vague question. Do I let him cry in his crib for three minutes so I can walk away and use the bathroom? Yes. Do I let him cry at being separated from me when I leave his with his own father? Damn right, I do. Do I let him cry and just walk nonchalantly out the door his first day in a new classroom with unfamiliar teachers? Absolutely not. Do I let him cry and just walk nonchalantly out the door on his forty-fifth day in a familiar, beloved classroom with teachers he loves? Occasionally.
Sleep is more straightforward (although I suspect the way a lot of parents deal with crying and sleep depends a lot on the child's age). Separation could be anything from A Doll's House to 3 minutes in the bathroom.
Tara